All feelings come from thoughts. Our thoughts generate our feeling responses - NOT the things that happen to us. When we are in a state of victim-hood, we think our happiness depends upon how OTHERS see us; this means that we see ourselves at the mercy of others. A transformation happens when we understand that we are always in charge of how we feel!
Let's take a simple example:
Let's say I have a meeting with several people and when I walk into the room, I announce, "Today, instead of having our meeting, let's go over to the coffee shop and chat."
Let's say there are three in the room. Bob hears what I say and is angry right away because he tells himself, "Lynne is trying to avoid getting any work done!"
Sally feels hurt, thinking, "Lynne is just trying to avoid hearing my ideas!"
But Susan, on the other hand, feels relieved and excited because she is thinking, "Oh good, it's going to be a relaxed get together to celebrate our progress, how nice!"
All three have totally different feelings depending on what they tell themselves. Their feelings come from their thoughts about what I said, not from what I said!
As we recover from victim-hood, we learn to locate and work with the thought(s) that cause us pain and re-frame it to move ourselves toward greater peace and acceptance.
We do this because it is the kind way to treat ourselves. When we believe our painful thoughts, we hurt ourselves! By taking responsibility for our thoughts and feelings we are able to see what happens in our lives in ways that bring acceptance, forgiveness and even joy. This is key to finding internal peace and happiness!